A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
