You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
