You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
