I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
