i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
