I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
