Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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