I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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