I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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