11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
