Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
