So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Enjoy the penises
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
