3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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