so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
