umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
