I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Couch. On fire.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
