dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
