a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
