found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
