After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
