last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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