I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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