Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
