The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
