So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
