somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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