I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
