did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
