It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
