White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
