dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
