i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
