Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
a search helicopter?!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
