he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
