i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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