a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
