John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
