My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
