I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
