So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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