Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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