we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
