clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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