you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
