Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
