thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
