I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
