i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
