i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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