He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
