I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
